I’m Getting a Divorce in 40 Days

After wrestling over this thought for some time now, I’ve decided that I need a change in my life.

Sometimes we don’t want to admit our shortcomings, but I’ll be honest–The blame lies solely on my shoulders.

My hidden truth is that I’ve been married for 20 years to this thing called doubt.

Before we met, I was invincible.

I felt like the smartest, strongest, boldest little girl in the world…

Then I started kindergarten and competition crept in.

Am I smart enough?

Will my teacher pick me to be the helper today?

Will I be student of the month?

Can I get the answer right, first?

The funny thing about competition is that she usually hangs out with a side kick named doubt.

Simply put,

 Doubt Sucks.

Doubt sucks the joy from your spirit and makes it that much easier for worry to creep in.

Sadly, doubt and worry have crept around my doorstep for far too long.

Some days I’ve even invited them into my heart and home and entertained their simple ideas.

That HAS to stop.

So this year, I’m giving up doubt and worry for Lent and taking on the confidence of Christ.

The same confidence that allowed Jesus to declare, “It is FINISHED.”

I’m not Catholic, but Lent has always been very important to me.

I grew up in the AME Zion Church and I still remember having my Lent offering booklet as a kid.

Every day I’d put my dime in it’s slot and think about what Jesus did for me. The ultimate sacrifice.

I can’t imagine giving the person I loved most as a sacrifice for the whole world, but my six year old self was blown away and completely consumed by a God who would love me like that.

I don’t look at Lent as a period of time where I’m giving up something, but more like a period where I’m making a concentrated effort to focus on God every time I’m faced with “that thing” that I’m giving up.

I normally keep my Lent sacrifice to myself, but I wanted to share my story because I know I’m not alone. Maybe you’re facing a similar marriage that needs to be dissolved. If so, I’d invite you to join me on this journey.

Scriptures I’m meditating on:

John 4:4 NLT
But you belong to God, my dear children. You have already won a victory over those people, because the Spirit who lives in you is greater than the spirit who lives in the world.

2 Timothy 1:7 ESV
For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.

Hebrews 13:6 ESV
So we can confidently say, “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?”

Proverbs 3:26 ESV
For the Lord will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being caught.

Hebrews 10:35-36 ESV
Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised.

Psalm 91:1-16 ESV
He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” For he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with his pinions, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness is a shield and buckler. You will not fear the terror of the night, nor the arrow that flies by day.

In 40 days, I have faith that that relationship will be COMPLETELY annulled with no chance of reconciliation …. This divorce will be final.

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